About 2 months after my daughter’s death, I had a very vivid dream in which I was running in a marathon. In the race, I had kept a steady pace, and the finish line was finally in view. As I approached the finish line, I tripped and fell to the ground tumbling in pain without the ability to immediately recover. Lying on the ground, unable to move, runners who I had previously passed began to race past me crossing the finish line without incident. I cried out in pain and frustration, then a still small voice began to whisper, “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” I awoke from that dream in tears. I knew exactly what it meant: though I didn’t cross the finish line

For the longest time, I couldn’t fully understand what it meant to be a child of God. I would sing the songs and read the scriptures, but I didn’t feel like I were truly his. I felt orphaned. So when things would go awry, I would retreat into my loneliness hoping the darkness of depression would somehow bring me comfort. It never did. The lightbulb went off one evening when a mentor of mine challenged me to read Psalm 139 everyday. She told me I needed to soak in God’s love and admiration for me deeply and then I would begin to truly understand my role as his daughter. The first night I read through the chapter, verses 11 and 12 hit me like a ton of bricks. It says, “I could ask the darkness to hide me    and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot

Each baby knit delicately together in our wombs is a miracle. It’s amazing to really think about the process of creation. A tiny, almost microscopic embryo becomes a unique person with tons of personality as they grow up! 2 ½ - 3 Months after I had my daughter, Phebe, by c-section, we became pregnant with our son. Both we and the doctors were amazed because they thought it would take at least 6 months to get pregnant again. I was also told that I would have to have surgery at that 6 month mark to remove a large fibroid I had that had been monitored while I was pregnant with Phebe. However, during the last few weeks of my pregnancy with my daughter, the fibroid had shrunk and when I had my first ultrasound with my son, David, the fibroid was gone! That was the first miracle I experienced with

**Written while pregnant with Sophia** Early on in my current pregnancy, I experienced some alarming spotting. For about 4 weeks, it would happen on and off and each time it occurred, my heart would sink into my stomach. Once during this period of time, I had a horrible dream that I experienced a miscarriage and I remember waking up yelling out loud, “my child will not die, but will live to tell what the Lord has done!” I discovered that verse during my Bible study the same day God prompted me to pray for our Victory4Life ministry during staff prayer at my church/workplace. I remember being so scared to pray for this ministry because I had just returned to work after my maternity leave with my daughter. Victory4Life is a ministry that serves women considering abortion to teach them about alternate options with hopes that they’ll discover Jesus and choose life for

I remember the first time I experienced morning sickness. I spent all day slow cooking dinner feeling totally fine, and with the first bite of my long-awaited meal, it hit! I immediately ran to the restroom, and you can imagine the rest… As I laid on that bathroom floor, I cried out to Jesus reminding Him that He took away the side effects of bearing children on the cross too! I declared that that would be my last time battling morning sickness, and guess what, it was! Then, later on in that same pregnancy, something else hit: sciatic nerve pain. It hit around the 7-month mark in my left hip and felt like someone was jabbing me with a sharp knife with every step I would take. I would pray and pray, but the pain remained. I even took matters into my own hands by going to the chiropractor, but nothing

Fear is one of those emotions that evoke a number of complementary emotions such as distrust, uncertainty, anxiety and more. I know we’ve all heard the acronym that fear really means False Evidence Appearing Real

**Written while pregnant with Sophia** I just finished listening to a rendition of “To Worship You I Live” by Israel Houghton and New Breed and with each measure as the song progressed, floods of tears would well up and fall from my eyes. It’s such a simple song centered around the same words within the title, but the meaning is so much deeper. It is my purpose. It is your purpose. It’s what sets us apart: our worship. In another song by the same group titled, “Speechless,” there’s a run that says, “Grace, Lord, your grace, oh I need it, I receive it… I’m amazed, so amazed when I see it I am speechless…” I listened to it right after the first song, and again tears fell from a well deep within me. I felt almost as if God’s grace were cleansing me in that moment. After I took a moment to just