Face to Face
“Maybe you shouldn’t drink coffee during this pregnancy.” I had just told her that we were expecting our rainbow baby, and that was her reply. No “congratulations,” no “I’m so happy for you,” no “I’m praying for you!” Her response to me felt like blame for the death of my daughter at 8 ½ months pregnant only
Week One: But First, We Must Fight!
Fight! We must fight - in prayer. The enemy wants nothing more than to paralyze us with fear when it comes to expecting to bear fruit from our wombs. But, our Redeemer says FIGHT! When Jesus died on the cross for us, He bore our sins and redeemed our future in Him. This includes
Week Two: The Marathon
About 2 months after my daughter’s death, I had a very vivid dream in which I was running in a marathon. In the race, I had kept a steady pace, and the finish line was finally in view. As I approached the finish line, I tripped and fell to the ground tumbling in pain
Week Three: O Death, Where Is Your Sting?
I remember going to a worship service a few weeks after Phebe’s death and being upset when they sang the words, “O death, where is your sting…” On the inside I yelled, “Death stings! It hurts!” and simultaneously, I determined that those words were a lie. I began to cry, and I told the Lord,
Week Four: Daughter
For the longest time, I couldn’t fully understand what it meant to be a child of God. I would sing the songs and read the scriptures, but I didn’t feel like I were truly his. I felt orphaned. So when things would go awry, I would retreat into my loneliness hoping the darkness of
Week Five: Peace That Surpasses All Understanding
**Written during my pregnancy with Sophia** My OBGYN’s office is a teaching practice, which means there are always quite a few medical students around. The students usually take my vitals and ask initial questions before my doctor enters the room. With that said, every month I am asked the same questions about my pregnancy history.
Week Six: My Miracles
Each baby knit delicately together in our wombs is a miracle. It’s amazing to really think about the process of creation. A tiny, almost microscopic embryo becomes a unique person with tons of personality as they grow up! 2 ½ - 3 Months after I had my daughter, Phebe, by c-section, we became pregnant
Week Seven: Praying Through the Pain
**Written while pregnant with Sophia** Early on in my current pregnancy, I experienced some alarming spotting. For about 4 weeks, it would happen on and off and each time it occurred, my heart would sink into my stomach. Once during this period of time, I had a horrible dream that I experienced a miscarriage and
Week Eight: In the Midst of It
I remember the first time I experienced morning sickness. I spent all day slow cooking dinner feeling totally fine, and with the first bite of my long-awaited meal, it hit! I immediately ran to the restroom, and you can imagine the rest… As I laid on that bathroom floor, I cried out to Jesus
Week Nine: Conquering Fear
Fear is one of those emotions that evoke a number of complementary emotions such as distrust, uncertainty, anxiety and more. I know we’ve all heard the acronym that fear really means False Evidence Appearing Real