Week Eight: In the Midst of It

I remember the first time I experienced morning sickness. I spent all day slow cooking dinner feeling totally fine, and with the first bite of my long-awaited meal, it hit! I immediately ran to the restroom, and you can imagine the rest… As I laid on that bathroom floor, I cried out to Jesus reminding Him that He took away the side effects of bearing children on the cross too! I declared that that would be my last time battling morning sickness, and guess what, it was!

Then, later on in that same pregnancy, something else hit: sciatic nerve pain. It hit around the 7-month mark in my left hip and felt like someone was jabbing me with a sharp knife with every step I would take. I would pray and pray, but the pain remained. I even took matters into my own hands by going to the chiropractor, but nothing alleviated the pain.

Lying on the couch one afternoon I cried out to the Lord again, begging him to take the pain away. In that moment, I had a vision of Jesus on the cross. He was in excruciating pain and it was nearly unbearable for my eyes to remain on Him in that state. As I looked at Jesus, God asked me if I believed that He was with Jesus in the midst of His pain. I answered, “yes, Lord, I believe.” Then God asked me if I believed He would be with me in the midst of my pain and that the pain would end. I answered, “yes, Lord, I believe, but it’s just my hip.”

I didn’t know that the next day I would lose my daughter and experience the greatest pain of my life. But I did experience God being with me in the midst of my pain and the pain ending as I surrendered it to Him. I also know that redemption comes with trusting God with subsequent pregnancies and that no suffering, whether great or seemingly small, occurs without God holding us a little tighter and us experiencing his love a little deeper.

I don’t know what your journey to motherhood has looked like. I don’t know if you’ve been in waiting for some time, experienced great loss or battle negative thoughts that the enemy bombards us with. But, I do know that God understands each step of your journey and that He is WITH you. Corrie Ten Boom said, “there is no pit so deep that his love is not deeper still.” Let Him love you today.

Reflection:

1. In our walk with Christ, our lives will not be devoid of pain. However, something beautiful emerges from brokenness if we give it to God. Will you invite Him in?
2. What’s something beautiful that God has exchanged for your ashes? Have you allowed Him to show you how you can share this with others to encourage them?

Scriptures for Meditation and Memorization:

Romans 8:17-18 NLT

And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 

Psalm 139:16 NLT

You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NLT

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us. 

Isaiah 66:9 NCV

In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord. “If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God.