Week Two: The Marathon

About 2 months after my daughter’s death, I had a very vivid dream in which I was running in a marathon. In the race, I had kept a steady pace, and the finish line was finally in view. As I approached the finish line, I tripped and fell to the ground tumbling in pain without the ability to immediately recover. Lying on the ground, unable to move, runners who I had previously passed began to race past me crossing the finish line without incident. I cried out in pain and frustration, then a still small voice began to whisper, “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”

I awoke from that dream in tears. I knew exactly what it meant: though I didn’t cross the finish line by birthing a daughter full of life, I would find my strength in the Lord to continue to race. In a world with social media, it seemed as if everyone around me were birthing beautiful babies. Immediately jealousy would arise in me as they “crossed the finish line.” So, I decided to take a season off social media and focus on God and the healing I so greatly desired from Him.

In doing so, He reminded me of what it looked like to wait. Waiting didn’t mean to sit and sulk finding ways to remain in my sadness. It meant allowing the One and only Lord of Lords and Kings of Kings to enter my heart and heal the deepest wound I had ever received. It meant walking and not fainting, running without weariness, and persevering in the darkness eagerly awaiting His restoration. To do so, I had to pray when I didn’t feel like it. I had to allow to tears to flow knowing that each one is being stored in a bottle by my Heavenly Father. I had to heal. Beautiful things emerge from brokenness. But first we must embrace our brokenness to truly conquer it.

The Lord will renew your strength. Wait on Him.

Reflection:

1. Have you allowed God to enter your pain in order to receive His strength? How so? If not, what holds you back?
2. Take a moment to ask God what you’re placing your trust in. If you find that you’re not trusting in Him, ask Him to help you place your full trust in Him and His promises.

Scriptures for Meditation & Memorization:

Romans 8:25 NKJV

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance” 

Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” 

Psalm 56:8 NLT

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”