He’s in the Waiting

It’s amazing how everything can change in a simple moment.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018 could be summed up as the best day ever! We stayed on “schedule” all day with our activities and chores and even had extra playtime outside with David’s new golf set that he received only 3 days prior on his 3rd birthday.

Then 4 o’clock hit. We arrived home from a quick errand and when I went to help David out of his car seat, he was hot to the touch. I had video-chatted with my mother before arriving home and she said David looked lethargic. I knew we had just played outside, so I chalked it up to him being tired from running around so much. But when I touched him, I immediately knew he had a fever.

I’m one for letting fevers do their job until they reach 101.5-102 – at that point I’ll give my child Motrin or Tylenol. Only 2 hours after checking his initial temp at 100, it rose to 102.6, so I gave him Motrin. I asked him if anything hurt on his body and he said his knee was bothering him. He had complained of knee pain that past week, but when he would go on and play rough and tough like his normal self, I thought nothing more of it…

His fever went down after the initial dose of Motrin, but 6 hours later it was back up to 102 so I gave another dose. By sunrise, the fever had crept back up and David was still complaining of knee pain. I checked his knee and sure enough there was some slight-swelling. I called our pediatrician’s after-hours line and was directed to take David to the ER immediately.

Breathe, Tara. Breathe. Don’t let your mind wander. I had to coach myself in order not to imagine endings to stories that had no valid foundations.

We arrived to the ER, the fever was still present and the doctor observed the swelling, so bloodwork was ordered to see if there was an infection present. Seeing your 3-year-old have blood drawn is not worth saying more than that…

Hour 1 went by, hour 2 went by, then the doctor returned with the results. David’s white-blood cell count was elevated, so he was indeed fighting something. More concerning was that his CRP level was high – indicating that there was indeed inflammation in his body. We were transferred to another hospital for further evaluation and it was determined that we’d need to stay the night to check his CRP level again in the morning. If it were higher, he’d need to get an MRI to learn more; if it were lower, we’d more than likely be able to go home as long as his physical symptoms were improving. We had no solid answers and the waiting game began.

Here’s what those doctors didn’t know: it was June 12th. The same week 4 years prior, my daughter died.

I can’t do this.

Tears began to fall from my eyes. My thoughts began to wander again to places of anger, doubt, denial…death. In the moment, I couldn’t understand why I was watching my normally energetic, busy 3-year-old be poked and prodded left basically limp with an IV in his tiny arm and my thoughts going through the worst possible scenarios. Normally, with the help of scripture, I could take my thoughts captive, but I was empty.

Then I remembered what the Holy Spirit had me meditate on the morning before:

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” – Psalm 91:1 NIV

God, how can I rest now when I have absolutely no clue what is going on with my son? Here I am faced with so many unknowns, and you want me to rest! I can’t do this. I knew you were warning me of something to come, but I’m tired of the battle the enemy is waging against my children.

The only thing I knew to do was to lean on my husband’s faith and reach out to some prayer warriors in my community. I’m glad I did because the next day, the lab results showed that the CRP level increased, which meant that David would have to get an MRI. At his age, this also meant he would need to be sedated as no normal 3-year-old can truly sit still for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, there were no openings in the schedule that day, so we would have to stay in the hospital yet another day… with no answers.

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” A couple friends (including one of David’s best buds) visited us in the hospital that Thursday, and that’s when I began to see a change happen. It’s like I could see him regain strength in front of my very eyes! My faith began to build even though I still couldn’t fully understand why we were in this place to begin with.

In talking with another friend later in the day, I told her how tired I was feeling like I’m always in a constant battle. As soon as the words rolled off my lips, the Holy Spirit reminded me that the battle was never mine.

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14 NIV

As the wee hours of the morning rolled in, I erupted in anxious angry tears, which I know was in direct response to my thoughts about my daughter in heaven and the uncertainty of David’s condition.

You want me to find rest; but, where do I do that? Every time they stick another needle in my son’s arm I sink deeper into my fear of losing him. I know I’m jumping so far ahead, but I can’t help but remember what I went through when we lost Phebe. How do I be still?

Thankfully God gave me a husband who can make sense of angry tears. I shared my heart with him, and he said, “Tara, stay in a place of peace and just trust God.” His simple words had a huge impact, and right after I finally fell asleep…and rested.

Then, joy came in the morning.

Overnight, they had to start David on fluids, which meant he had to get a new IV. He had so much fun with his best bud earlier in the day, that they had to remove the first IV because it had become inoperable. An unfortunate occurrence, but he was going to have to have blood drawn again, so starting a new IV enabled them to go ahead and draw his blood earlier. This also meant we received an update regarding his CRP levels earlier. At 7:30am we learned that his levels decreased by half! In one night!

Our miracle had come.

My husband then told me that after they started the new IV, he turned to my son and said, “Do you want to pray that God heals you and allows you to go home tomorrow?” My son responded, “Yes!” And, right there in the middle of the night with only his father, my son prayed to Jesus for healing.

God heard his cry.

With the doctor observing David’s physical strength return and the positive turn in his blood work, we decided that an MRI was an unnecessary risk for him. Then the doctor said words that were pure music to my ear:

“David can go home.”

Happy tears of thanksgiving began to flow from my eyes and I praised God for healing my son and relieving my thoughts. But the purest moment came later when they removed the IV from David’s arm. When he realized he was finally free, he lifted his hands to the sky and softly sang…

“You are good, good, oooooohhh oh! You are good, good, oooooooohhh oh!”

Without prompting, my son knew who healed him and with complete freedom authentically worshipped his Father in heaven. It was one of the most genuine expressions of worship I had seen in my life… all from a 3-year-old. So I prayed…

God, you are good. Forgive me for not recognizing that while I battled agonizing thoughts. Thank you for allowing me to witness this moment of worship between David and you. He knows where his help comes from…and so do I. Now I see that your shelter is in your presence. My rest comes from staying near you. Thank you!

In the 3 days and nights that David battled an unknown sickness in his body, God taught me that,

1. In His presence, I can find peace. If I fight through the crazy thoughts and set my focus on God, I can truly experience His peace in the midst of the storm.
2. It was David’s faith that healed him. While I had faith that my son would be healed, it was his prayer and his faith that actually ushered in healing. It’s my and Joe’s job as his father and mother to guide him to the Healer.
3. It’s ok to have anxious thoughts. But, when those thoughts come, I must immediately turn them over to God before they take over my sanity. Philippians 4:6-7

David’s final diagnosis was post-infectious arthritis, which essentially means that after he had a cold, his body kept attacking the illness that was no longer present eventually attacking itself. In our case, it was his knee joint. In our post-hospital follow-up visit we learned that this is nothing to fear as far as returning in the future.

I’m sure you know as well as me that Jesus healed my son. We can put a name on it, but what I witnessed was nothing short of a miracle… all in a 72-hour span. God is good!