you can have it?

Are you saying to the Lord, “save it for me,” or “You can have it”?

I have just experienced the greatest pain of my life in losing my child. I asked God why He didn’t allow me to miscarry earlier in my pregnancy before everyone knew I was pregnant. I told Him if He had done that I would be able to suffer in silence. I would’t have to face questions like “oh, you had your baby!?” or “what happened?” I didn’t even announce I was pregnant until I reached 6 months. My pregnancy was perfect, there’s no answer as to why my daughter died, and everyone who looks at me sees a mother with no child. My pain stares at me in the mirror every morning when I still see extra pounds on my body from being pregnant. I can’t suffer in silence!

So often, we want God to fix a situation, but we don’t fully give Him the situation to fix. We say, “Lord, please take this cup of suffering away from me!” But, 2 hours later, we’re requesting the cup back.

God says, “Cast your cares upon me.” He doesn’t say, “Place your issues in life gently at My feet for safe keeping for a few hours while you save face at work; then, return later to present the same problem that you left with me.”

God knows we’re hurting. He’s right there experiencing the hurt, grief, heartbreak, and setback WITH us!

He wants us to say, “You can have it!” He wants to take our pain from us. He doesn’t want us to constantly run back and forth to His throne of grace with the SAME PAIN. That’s not trusting God.

Trusting God is saying,

“God, you can have my pain. You can have my shame. You can have my heartache. I CAST my cares upon you and I leave them at your feet. When I arise from your feet, I’m taking with me Your GRACE, Your COMFORT, and Your PEACE! Though I may still feel pangs of emotion when I’m away from Your throne, what I feel is merely scar tissue stretching to heal the wounds of my past. You have given me the VICTORY over my emotions that says, ‘I declare that I am free to LIVE a FULL LIFE in the midst of my sorrow!’ I will not succumb, but I will live and proclaim the GLORY of your GREAT NAME!”

Jesus died to set us free. Freedom exists in surrendering our lives to Christ. Surrendering our lives to Christ means we give Him EVERYTHING. He can handle our greatest fears, our greatest hurts, AND our greatest shame if we give it to Him.

What I can do is leave my grief at His feet and share my process of healing. Then I can pick up where Peter left off when He tells us to cast our cares upon the Lord:

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because[c] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 10 But may[d] the God of all grace, who called us[e] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. – 1 Peter 5: 8-11 NKJV (Emphasis Added)

Then, I can look in the mirror and remind my reflection that she is not a mother with no child. She is the mother of Phebe Nicole Dorsey who rests in the arms of her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

We are not defined by our pain, but we are defined by His Grace. I will receive His grace. My prayer is that you join me in this journey of walking faithfully with the One who cares so greatly for us all.